pretty bitter and jaded

“Hi Roomates (sic), please do not wear any shoes beyond this mat. Thank-you!”

I really hope this makes it to www.passiveaggressivenotes.com!

E! Online is dishing some Foxian dirt saying a previous anonymous letter bashing my lady crush is boo-hooing bull. The newest source is saying that Fox is incredibly shy and awkward, which gawking crew fanboys could interpret as the pretty girl curse, aka being bitchy.

Now, I’m no Megan Fox, but outside of LA I’d probably shore pretty high on the 10 scale. That said, I also happen to be embarassingly awkward and never know how to take a compliment. Case in point? When I briefly sashayed around a fancy bar as a cocktail waitress in my home city of Denver, even the least cute of the bunch would get hit on waaay more than me. Why? Because I’m cagey around people I don’t know and can’t feign interest or attraction to save my life (read: I’d make a terrible lap dancer).

Cleary I’m digressing here, but I’m starting to question my recent dalliances in Hollywood (Emma Stone…). If Ms. Fox is merely a wallflower in foxy (zing!) clothing, did I miss my calling as a terrible actress on the cover of every mag in the land? Hindsight is a bitch!

Like, literally I DIE… Going bananas… Seriously…chic.

Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Bravo reality (Flipping Out, Housewives- NOT New Jersey, Millionaire Matchmaker to name a few), and the Rach’ Zoe project is no exception to the bitchy gay/fab fashion/hot mess vortex that gets me every time.

Haoweverrr (say in Taylor bitch voice), have you noticed that all of the main characters (subjects?) all speak with the same bizarro LA valley girl meet Central PA tween inflection that is making the show borderline unwatchable.

Oh and I hated that leather trenchcoat Rachel forced Brad, but would kill (literallaaay) for the Hermes bracelet RZoe got for Taylor. Bananas!

So, in news you’ve known for the better part of forever, Jon Gosseling supposedly drained over $200,000 from soon to be ex-wife Kate. Hey, Ed Hardy doesn’t come cheap! Kate is filing all sorts of motions to get the cash back, Jon is claiming none of it ever happened… aaaand all of this reminds me of three rules of Hollywood:

1. Never get married

2. Never become famous

3. Never have kids

Could you imagine if your dysfunctional family fought like this on national television, and instead of your drunken grandfather stepping in you see Larry King’s crypt keeper mug? Oh an instead of a sib’ or two, you are a brood of EIGHT? Reminds me of life rule number 23,121,460: Never get invitro… twice. With a man who wears Ed Hardy and diamond studs.

Spotting leaving Baby Blues BBQ (random!) in West Hollywood, CA.

Omg omg BSG…
Apologies. Had a little moment there.

While Battlestar Galactica may have gone the way of it’s battered namesake ship, creators Ronald D. Moore and Michael Taylor have teamed up with director Peter Berg to introduce a new made for TV movie to the Fox Network. Virtuality is in the same vein as the critically acclaimed BSG, but will doubtfully unseat the series as the creators’ flagship accomplishment.

After 10 years of wandering outerspace, the ship Phaeton and its crew are suddenly implored into saving Earth. In the meantime, to keep the crew occupied and well, sane, the ship offers a virtual reality console for entertainment, which releases a malicious virus onto the spacecraft. Suddenly confronted with two major problems, the crew slowly begins to unravel all while being filmed for a reality show back on Earth.

Not one to reveal major plot points, spoilers or a snarky opinion on sci-fi, reviews for this TV movie are up to the individual viewer. Tried and true sci-fi fans are notoriously difficult to please, so it wouldn’t be a big shock if Virtuality failed, especially considering its mediocre summer-time Friday slot.

Prolific actor Jeff Goldblum (The Fly, Jurassic Park) is alive and well despite false reports that he too passed away today along with wildly popular and beloved TV icon Farrah Fawcett and worldwide music sensation Michael Jackson.

“Reports that Jeff Goldblum has passed away are completely untrue,” said the actor’s publicist in a statement released this evening. “He is fine and in Los Angeles.”

In what some see as a sad attempt to drive traffic to their sites, stories of Goldblum’s fabricated demise hit the blogosphere shortly after the Michael Jackson story began to hit a fever pitch.

Megastar Harrison Ford was also a victim of a similar hoax. According to the New York Daily News, these false stories are generated by prank websites. A user simply plugs in someone’s name, and off to the wild blue yonder it goes.

Really, people? The internet is a pure, magical place for honest businesses like gossip blogging and porn. Shame shame.

One of my favorite all time blogs, Dlisted, had a touching post today. Below are some of the public statements made by celebrities who knew Michael well and will remember him fondly…

Brooke Shields: “My heart is overcome with sadness for the devastating loss of my true friend Michael. He was an extraordinary friend, artist and contributor to the world. I join his family and his fans in celebrating his incredible life and mourning his untimely passing.”

Madonna: “I can’t stop crying over the sad news. I have always admired Michael Jackson. The world has lost one of the greats, but his music will live on forever! My heart goes out to his three children and other members of his family. God bless.”

Lisa Marie Presley: “I am so very sad and confused with every emotion possible. I am heartbroken for his children, who I know were everything to him, and for his family. This is such a massive loss on so many levels, words fail me.”

Quincy Jones: “I am absolutely devastated at this tragic and unexpected news. For Michael to be taken away from us so suddenly at such a young age, I just don’t have the words.”

Liza Minnelli: “He was a kind, genuine, and wonderful man. He was also one of the greatest entertainers that ever lived. I loved him very much and I will miss him every remaining day of my life.”

UPDATE: Multiple reliable news sources are reporting that Michael Jackson has in fact passed away at age 50. So unbelievably sad.

TMZ is reporting that Michael Jackson has died after being hospitalized at UCLA Medical Center. He was taken to the hospital supposedly suffering from cardiac arrest and unconscious.

E! News spoke to Joe Jackson (father of Michael) and said, “He had a heart attack. He is not OK.” Nothing else is known about the situation other than that Jackson was not breathing when someone found him and called 911. Paramedics continued to administer CPR in the ambulance en route to UCLA.

Jackson was set to mount a massive comeback with multiple tour dates in Las Vegas and overseas. While his death is not confirmed, UCLA is now swirling with reporters with multiple street closures in the Westwood area.

Lou Diamond Phillips won (ed. note: is it really winning if no one’s watching?) NBC’s “I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!” beating out such, um… other people like Sanjaya Malakar, Janice Dickinson and Heidi Montag’s sister (another ed. note: really?). She-wrestler Torrie Wilson came in second and ex-NBA star John Salley ended up in third place.

The 47-year-old actor, like the other contestants, was fighting for a charitable donation of his choice. Art Has a Heart, a non-profit scholarship organization received a majority of the program’s purse, though the other contestants’ charities didn’t go away empty handed.

Speaking of charity, Heidi and Spencer mercifully spared the viewing public their presence on the reunion show. The vapid twosome were notoriously diva-tastic on the show, attempting to break their contract and leave multiple times before Heidi fell ill with an ulcer, thus freeing them of winning money. For a charity.

Can we nominate LA’s own Shadow Dancer next year? He can be contacted at the corner of Robinson Blvd. and Burton Ave. rockin’ out in front of a storefront window. He may also be on Twitter.