pretty bitter and jaded

Escandalo! South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, first embarrassed by the revelation that his five days spent “missing” were actually in the arms of an Argentinean mistress, is now confronted with alleged emails between himself and his lover.

The emails, which were published by South Carolina’s The State, read like something out of a romance novel by a well, schmarmy politician. I think our personal favorite is the bullet pointed “one, two, three and finally” list of roadblocks and confusions that the Governor laments to Maria (full name withheld).

“Two, mutual feelings …. You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light – but hey, that would be going into sexual details …”

It’s one thing to have a mistress (who doesn’t, but it’s entirely another to be a high-profile politician who had the gall to lie to everyone about his whereabouts (hiking the Appalachians) then disappear for five days, only to be caught and forced to hold a national conference.

Legs. Tail. Insert between.

Good luck with that 2012 Presidential campaign buddy!