pretty bitter and jaded

So, in news you’ve known for the better part of forever, Jon Gosseling supposedly drained over $200,000 from soon to be ex-wife Kate. Hey, Ed Hardy doesn’t come cheap! Kate is filing all sorts of motions to get the cash back, Jon is claiming none of it ever happened… aaaand all of this reminds me of three rules of Hollywood:

1. Never get married

2. Never become famous

3. Never have kids

Could you imagine if your dysfunctional family fought like this on national television, and instead of your drunken grandfather stepping in you see Larry King’s crypt keeper mug? Oh an instead of a sib’ or two, you are a brood of EIGHT? Reminds me of life rule number 23,121,460: Never get invitro… twice. With a man who wears Ed Hardy and diamond studs.

Prolific actor Jeff Goldblum (The Fly, Jurassic Park) is alive and well despite false reports that he too passed away today along with wildly popular and beloved TV icon Farrah Fawcett and worldwide music sensation Michael Jackson.

“Reports that Jeff Goldblum has passed away are completely untrue,” said the actor’s publicist in a statement released this evening. “He is fine and in Los Angeles.”

In what some see as a sad attempt to drive traffic to their sites, stories of Goldblum’s fabricated demise hit the blogosphere shortly after the Michael Jackson story began to hit a fever pitch.

Megastar Harrison Ford was also a victim of a similar hoax. According to the New York Daily News, these false stories are generated by prank websites. A user simply plugs in someone’s name, and off to the wild blue yonder it goes.

Really, people? The internet is a pure, magical place for honest businesses like gossip blogging and porn. Shame shame.

One of my favorite all time blogs, Dlisted, had a touching post today. Below are some of the public statements made by celebrities who knew Michael well and will remember him fondly…

Brooke Shields: “My heart is overcome with sadness for the devastating loss of my true friend Michael. He was an extraordinary friend, artist and contributor to the world. I join his family and his fans in celebrating his incredible life and mourning his untimely passing.”

Madonna: “I can’t stop crying over the sad news. I have always admired Michael Jackson. The world has lost one of the greats, but his music will live on forever! My heart goes out to his three children and other members of his family. God bless.”

Lisa Marie Presley: “I am so very sad and confused with every emotion possible. I am heartbroken for his children, who I know were everything to him, and for his family. This is such a massive loss on so many levels, words fail me.”

Quincy Jones: “I am absolutely devastated at this tragic and unexpected news. For Michael to be taken away from us so suddenly at such a young age, I just don’t have the words.”

Liza Minnelli: “He was a kind, genuine, and wonderful man. He was also one of the greatest entertainers that ever lived. I loved him very much and I will miss him every remaining day of my life.”

UPDATE: Multiple reliable news sources are reporting that Michael Jackson has in fact passed away at age 50. So unbelievably sad.

TMZ is reporting that Michael Jackson has died after being hospitalized at UCLA Medical Center. He was taken to the hospital supposedly suffering from cardiac arrest and unconscious.

E! News spoke to Joe Jackson (father of Michael) and said, “He had a heart attack. He is not OK.” Nothing else is known about the situation other than that Jackson was not breathing when someone found him and called 911. Paramedics continued to administer CPR in the ambulance en route to UCLA.

Jackson was set to mount a massive comeback with multiple tour dates in Las Vegas and overseas. While his death is not confirmed, UCLA is now swirling with reporters with multiple street closures in the Westwood area.

Perez Hilton’s celeb-fellating blog has long been blacklisted here at HQ, but that doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy a little comeuppance. Not that we’re promoting man-on-troll doll violence here, but hearing about a egotistical blogger getting a beat down by an overrated music group’s manager is just what PB&J is looking for.

Quality, people… quality.

In the wee hours of June 22, Black Eyed Peas’ ego wrangler Liborio “Polo” Molina allegedly struck Hilton (nee Mario Lavandeira) in the head two or three times before being restrained. Such a crime could carry a stiff penalty- five years in prison for an “indictable offense” or 10 months for a “summary offense.”

Hilton followed news-baiting protocol by immediately posting multiple updates to his Twitter page (Tila Tequila also follows this practice) and ranting on any available outlet short of an actual soap box in the middle of Sunset Boulevard. Initially blaming Peas’ frontman Will.i.am, Hilton has blasted the singer on perezhilton.com refusing to recant his take on the events late Sunday night.

Video: TMZ via YouTube.